Toy Review: Toys for the First Year

Many parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, older siblings, friends, and guilty-conscience acquaintances want to buy toys for children but have NO IDEA what to get them. At some point, we've all been that person shopping for the kid whom we rarely see and have little to no idea what she'd want for a toy. When the child is a baby, finding the "right toy" can seem even less clear-cut for some people. So, what I've decided the world (heh, I flatter myself) needs is some idea of what to get for children of different ages, based on my experience with my own son and other children in his general age group.

When you plan to purchase a toy for a child, the first consideration needs to be: is the parent going to be happy with this toy? Maybe the toy is a gigantic Tonka truck for your newborn (yes, my MOM did that to me); maybe it's a robotic dinosaur that roars (and terrifies your 2-year-old). In these situations, the toys are not unwanted in and of themselves, but they are really age-inappropriate.

Of course, the gift might be something that is categorized as being for a child's first year and have so many bells and whistles that it annoys the crud out of anyone who is sane enough to like a bit of quiet (including the child). Maybe it's visually overstimulating to the point where your child just avoids it (like this Discovery Elephant from Infantino).

Other considerations are the child's capability to play with the toy and what the child is likely to do with it. Most babies can't even hold things with their hands for about the first 3 months, so anything they use for entertainment before that has to be automatic or parent-controlled. Also, for the first year and often beyond, pretty much anything the child holds has the same destination: the mouth. If you suspect lead paint, barium paint, small parts, sharp edges, easily broken bits, or any other method by which a child could get hurt by breaking something or putting it in his mouth (such as choking!), then DO NOT give it to a child who hasn't reached the 12 month mark yet. Ideally speaking, a child under age 3 years should have NO ACCESS to anything that is dangerous, including pen caps, loose change, Legos, and Barbie shoes.

Also, believe it or not, expensive does not mean good. Yes, generally speaking, higher quality children's products do have a higher price. However, just because you spend $80 on a rocking giraffe, do not expect that the child will necessarily get $80 worth of enjoyment out of it.

When it comes to toys for the first year, simple is ideal. Most children under 12 months are happy most of the time with a half-crumpled water bottle to squeeze and chew. Aim for that mentality. In fact, for the first year there is very little need for toys at all except as a distraction technique. Babies will play with whatever surrounds them in their environment. Give a baby a solid wood drink coaster with concentric grooves in it, and she will chew on it, bang it on furniture, and touch its various textures. To give a child this age a toy that plays 50 digital songs and "teaches" a foreign language that the parents do not speak is overkill--and runs a serious risk of overstimulation.

Overstimulation is the technical term to describe a lot of seemingly different behaviors in young children. An overstimulated child will tend to be crankier and more withdrawn. If a child experiences too much overstimulation (such as excessive television and movies and video games), she will eventually come to expect the world to entertain her instead of finding her own entertainment. A baby is seldom troubled with the feeling of boredom. Everything in life is new and exciting (like that electrical outlet you forgot was under that table and that fork that went missing recently), and the most interesting things to a baby are those that help the child learn about the world she has joined.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has some great guidelines for parents on age-appropriate toys and activities:

One- to Three-Month-Old

• Images or books with high-contrast patterns
• Bright, varied mobile
• Unbreakable mirror attached to inside of crib
• Rattles
• Singing to your baby
• Playing varied music from music boxes, CDs, records, or tapes (and I'll add in mp3s here)

Four- to Seven-Month Old

• Unbreakable mirror attached to inside of crib or playpen
• Soft balls, including some that make soft, pleasant sounds
• Textured toys that make sounds
• Toys that have fingerholds
• Musical toys, such as bells, maracas, tambourines (Make sure none of the parts can become loose.)
• See-through rattles that show the pieces making the noise
• Old magazines with bright pictures for you to show her
• Baby books with board, cloth, or vinyl pages

Eight- To Twelve-Month-Old

• Stacking toys in different sizes, shapes, colors
• Cups, pails, and other unbreakable containers
• Unbreakable mirrors of various sizes
• Bath toys that float, squirt, or hold water
• Large building blocks
• "Busy boxes" that push, open, squeak, and move
• Squeeze toys
• Large dolls and puppets
• Cars, trucks, and other vehicle toys made of flexible plastic, with no sharp edges or removable parts
• Balls of all sizes (but not small enough to fit in the mouth)
• Cardboard books with large pictures
• CDs, tapes, music boxes, and musical toys
• Push-pull toys
• Toy telephones
• Paper tubes, empty boxes, old magazines, egg cartons, empty plastic soda/juice/milk bottles (well rinsed)

[All the above bulleted data was pulled directly from Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, Birth to Age 5, Revised Edition (link goes to 5th Edition, newer than my copy) which is a publication put out by the American Academy of Pediatrics. This book can be obtained free of its $20 price tag by joining the Publix Baby Club, which sends you a free copy just for joining.]

You'll notice that nowhere in all of that was a recommendation that you overload a child with glamorous, flashy toys. Many people have remarked that if you give a child a toy, he will spend a greater amount of time playing with the box it came in. Save yourself the money and just give the kid the box!

Over the next couple of weeks, I'll highlight some toys that have proven to be good all-around buys. I am not affiliated in any way with toy manufacturers or distributors, so I'm completely unbiased (and unfunded, heh). All toys that I will include for recommendations for the first year are durable and will easily tolerate a slobbery, strong, teething baby and "survive" with barely any signs of wear.

Post Partem, Part II

Jackson and I finally met all of our requirements and were given notice to head home from the hospital.  We had had to stay an extra night because one of the doctors who examined Jackson was not going to be happy until my newborn son had pooped.  Apparently what he had done at birth was not enough; it had to be the real deal.  Our pediatrician came the next day and said that was ridiculous and that we could always just come back if he didn't have a bowel movement, and anyway, at that point there were only 2 days until his first office visit with her.

He appeased us all by defecating massively while we were still preparing to leave.  We had the nurse on duty "teach" Andrew how to change poopy diapers by example.

We soon learned that his BMs would nearly all be highly audible (often from 15 feet away, even) for the next several months--and very frequent.  Your own results may vary, of course, as every child is different.

They also will not allow a baby to leave the hospital unless it is within a carseat.  So, we buckled him into it for the first time, and the little dear fell asleep.  Awwww, how cute!  (And yes, he was fully buckled before being placed in the car, despite the status at picture time.)

I was sufficiently ambulatory though not precisely enjoying the experience of motion.  We loaded ourselves into the van and drove toward home.  As we passed the Women's Center building where I had birthed Jackson, a sudden pain struck me.  In time I became familiar with this new form of pain:  my milk had come in.

For my whole life, I'd never really been particularly well endowed.  I was not flat but "athletic" and had been reasonably content with knowing that I would never have to experience being whapped in the head with my own breasts.  I enjoyed that there were many things I could wear that allowed me to forego wearing a bra.  No more.

Somewhere in the process of leaving the hospital, my own body was swapped with Dolly Parton's.  In the middle of worrying about all the extra skin I had and how I could not pull on pants designed for someone much heavier than I was postpartum, I was strutting around the apartment checking out my new voluptuous profile.

[n.b. In time all good things (and bad things) must come to an end.  Stretch marks faded mostly.  My hips rejoined one another and allowed me to wear my pre-pregnancy jeans.  And my boobs deflated.  Two out of three ain't bad, right?]

I imagine that part of the reason my first let down was so soon and so intense was because Jackson had been nursing very well since shortly after birth.  The first few days, newborns feed on what amounts to a milkshake.  Colostrum is often described as being thick and hard to coerce out of the nipple.  Jackson was a champ.  He nursed a great deal, and at first, I was feeding him on a timing schedule.  After several days I recognized that this was wrong, that he should eat until he tells me he is done.  Nursing began to take longer, and for the next few MONTHS, I was nursing him for an hour straight EVERY OTHER HOUR.

So, how does one get anything accomplished when being enslaved as a dairy cow 12 hours a day?  Having a larger than average child was a bigger challenge than I might have thought.  Still, I had made attempts to mitigate the difficulties.  One way was having my mother-in-law stay for as long as begging would convince her.

During the first 10 days, Jackson's Nana spent most of her waking hours helping cook, wash dishes, and do the laundry.  She left the rest up to myself and Andrew, who was back to work as soon as we were home from the hospital.  Now, I love my MIL, but should I be in that situation again, I think I would try to be more explicit about my needs.

It was GREAT that Nana did the cooking.  It was NOT great that she kept cooking foods I do not eat.  Sure, I'm a picky eater, but there are foods that I do it, and many of them had been purchased well in advanced just for the postpartum period.  She spilled and charred foods all over the inside of my oven, which had been kept scrupulously clean, and removed some clean-keeping measures that I had had in place inside the oven, so that afterward it was more prone to messes.  She went out and bought new foods, cluttering my kitchen with extra containers of things we already had and various other items that would never get used--practically a crime for control freaks like Andrew and myself who have our own food buying system.  I ate fairly little food for the time that she was there.

She washed the dishes, bless her!  She cooked and cleaned up after herself; wonderful woman!  But...she only washed dishes while I was trying to nap.  The head of my bed was only about 10 feet from where she stood, clanging metal pans around a stainless steel sink.  I didn't sleep much while she was there.  She also would either leave a gigantic and precariously balanced pile of dishes in the drying rack or would put the dishes away in the wrong places, rather than asking for clarification.  It took me more than a month to get everything back in order afterward.

She did the laundry!  She folded it, too, and she refused to let me help even if I wanted to.  But she left the piles stacked all around our small living room and did not put anything away.

Having someone else run my household was making me very tense, particularly as it was not being run to my standards.  And her payment?  My dear MIL got plenty of eyefuls of about as much of her daughter in law as her own son had seen.  She bought me some postpartum clothing to help me cut down on my maternity-wear.  (GlamourMom nursing bra tanks are the best invention in clothing since underwear!)  She endured my complaints about stretch marks and concerns that I might remain hippo-sized in the hip region for all eternity.  Andrew and I were tough to please, and Nana bore it well, but eventually she left and I think we all felt some relief.  The lesson here is that postpartum doulas are wonderful; just be clear as to your expectations, and if you want things done your way without feeling guilt (self-imposed or otherwise) about being demanding, a paid doula may be a better bet than family.

Another week or so later I had finally allowed myself enough rest that the bleeding was slowed down and had turned the banana yellow color I was told to expect.  I finally braved some of the other measures provided to me by the hospital staff, such as a Sitz bath and the "epi" bottle.

The Sitz bath fit into the toilet and used gravity to spray warm water on my nethers.  It was a highly overrated experience that was overly complicated to implement and minimally beneficial.  Far better was the "epi" (episiotomy) bottle.  This little thing is still used in our home on a daily basis.  During my postpartum period, the little squeezable spray bottle helped keep me clean where my tearing had occurred and helped to flush out the area some.  Afterward, rather than tossing it in the trash, we repurposed it.  Turns out those bottles make great tools for helping bathe babies, especially for wetting and rinsing hair.  They also make entertaining noises when squeezed empty against baby bellies and are wonderful fountains for toddlers at tub time.