Learning to be Natural

Bill Cosby famously joked (see video below) about how he and his wife went to classes to learn how to have natural childbirth.  Andrew and I experienced a journey somewhat similar to Bill Cosby and his wife--conceivably because we are also "intellectuals."  

One of the main reasons we wanted a midwife was because we didn't want a hospital experience similar to the example shown in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life:  

When I delivered, I wanted it to be a personal event, not a personnel event.  I wanted things to be calm and focused and as uncomplicated as possible.  After taking our classes on how to have children (after the conception bit; we had figured that part out just fine), I had determined I wanted to deliver naturally:  no drugs at all.

This came about as a result in large part of learning about the distinctions between natural vaginal childbirth and medicated vaginal childbirth.  Our instructor, Tina, was a mom 3 times over.  She had been present at many more births beyond those of her own children.  She also knew a fair amount of statistics, which are about on equal footing with anecdotal information to any mom looking at squeezing out a kid for the first time.

In birth, Tina said, any medical intervention tends to lead to further medical interventions.  For example, if a woman were to receive an epidural dose of pain medication, she might potentially have difficulty knowing how to maneuver in order to expedite delivery.  She is also confined to the hospital bed and cannot move around very freely to even be able to attempt such maneuvers.  She may have, therefore, a longer labor.  

Additionally, it may be difficult for her to know how to push or even to be able to push, thereby increasing the likelihood of a Caesarean birth.  However should she still manage to try vaginal delivery, she will have a far greater chance of needing help to get the baby out via 

the "salad spoons" or the suction cup or an episiotomy.  Vain as I was for my unborn child, I wanted him to have a well-shaped head, so a quick delivery with no use of forceps or suction was optimal to me.  (Image above obtained here.)

Another issue with medication was plain and simple fear.  I've known enough kids born when their mothers used drugs to make them comfortable in labor to recognize that any effects are inconsequential in the long run.  My sister and I were both born Caesarean (bless you, Mom, you were a trooper!) just 18 months apart, and we are perfectly fine.  At least, any defects we have we can't blame on the birth medicines, anyway!

No, my fear wasn't for Jackson so much as for me.  In our childbirth class, Tina showed us a video of an epidural injection.  In order to get the most common method of pain relief in labor, the mom-to-be has to be turned onto her side and made to hug her knees.  Then, despite being continually wracked with pain, she has to hold very still as an anaesthesiologist spends about 15 minutes putting things in and out of her spine.

Needle in the spine?  Wasn't going to be mine.

We learned all the techniques for breathing and noise-making.  (Came in VERY handy!)  We learned about how the baby might be oriented at the time of departure.  (Also very handy.)  We learned distraction methods so that I might have a focus other than OH MY GOD THIS HURTS WHAT THE (BLEEP) DID YOU DO TO ME?!? (Which would have come out as "Omgrrdfkdym!?!!")

We also learned about this mysterious doula concept that had been floating throughout some of our literature of pregnancy and labor.  And the search began for a person to substitute for the drugs I would not be taking!