Oh, wow, he IS big for his age!

If I had a penny for every time I'd heard people exclaim over how large Jackson is, I would have his college savings taken care of by now.

It started when he was born. My midwife had been in doubt that Jackson would be much more than 8 and a half pounds. I insisted otherwise. A few days before birth he was projected to be 9lbs. And then when he arrived (Thank you, Mr. Stork!), it turned out that I had been carrying a watermelon of a child when he weighed in at 9lbs, 15oz.--an ounce shy of 10lbs! For those of you on the metric scale, that's 4.5kg.

He only lost 2 ounces over our time in hospital post partem, and had regained 5 ounces by 2 days later. By 2 weeks old, Jackson weighed in at 12lbs. At 2 months, he was 14lbs. When he was just about 5 months old, we found ourselves scrambling to find a larger car safety seat because he had nearly hit the maximum of 22lbs for his infant car seat. (The legal requirement in Florida for turning a child's car seat so that it faces forward instead of backward is that they child must be a year old and at least 20lbs. We had to wait more than half a year to complete the first requirement after the second was reached.)

Clothing-wise, this translated into him outgrowing 0-3 months apparel by 3 weeks old. A few weeks later, 3-6 months clothing was also too small. He managed to last until about age 7months in his 6-12 months clothing. And then things slowed down somewhat. He was in 18 months clothing until after his first birthday. He spent several months in 24 months accoutrements and then a stint in 2T. Around 20 months of age, we began gradually upsizing his wardrobe to incorporate 3T clothing, which are now the only ones to fit--and some are getting small now that he's hit his second birthday. (This is in part due to the fact that he's still in diapers, whereas it's assumed by clothing manufacturers that no room needs to be left in a 3 year old's apparel for anything more substantial than briefs.)

Jackson was also an early walker. We had never bothered to put anything other than socks on his feet until Andrew and I judged that Jackson was competent enough to try his skills outside. His first pair of shoes were Robeez for children up to 18 months. He was 10 months old. Shortly after his second birthday a few weeks ago, I took him shoe shopping (as I've done about every 2 months for over a year now), and he was sized into 10.5 shoes. He now wears the same size shoes as many 3 and 4 year old children.

Around 20 months old, we also found that (yet again) we were going to need to put Jackson into the next size higher diaper. He was then moved up to a size 6--the largest size available at the regular store for baby diapers that are not training pants. Now that he is 25 months, even those are getting small.

As you can imagine, having a larger than average child can be dramatically more expensive in the early years than a more petite child. He has not been able to wear most of his clothing into oblivion along the way, and his shoes barely show any signs of use by the time he outgrows them. Diapers are progressively fewer in number in the box with each size increase (at the same price), which means that we spend more money on diapers than others with smaller children.

And yet for all that, my son is not fat. I've always felt a little defensive about the accusation of his being fat, I suppose. The fact of the matter is that Jackson is in the 97th percentile for both height and weight (EDIT: Since I originally wrote this post, he has elevated to the 100th percentile for weight; can't get accurate height measurement myself, so that is unknown but still at least 97th percentile). This means that he is taller and heavier than 97 percent of children his age. To me, this also means that he is proportionate. A child who is 50th percentile for height and 97th percentile for weight is certainly worthy of being accused of packing on the pounds. Yet, a child who is 50th percentile for both height and weight would be proportionate. The same is true of my son. Only rather than being built like a waif, he's built more like a gladiator.

From hour 1 in the hospital, we knew he was a strong child. I had my suspicions about what he was getting up to in utero (to the point where I started wondering if my midwife hadn't missed a second child in the making), which were confirmed when he came out with excellent muscle tone and already lifting his own head. By the time he had perfected his ability to grasp objects at a few months old, he was able to inflict some serious injuries to us. His hands could really pinch hard--and he proved it every time he nursed for a while, screaming like a bansidhe if I tried to stop him from injuring me.

His perfect posture as a new sitter confirmed his amazing back strength, which was surprising since he was swaddled for nearly every sleep instance for the first 7 months. (Just TRY to imagine tightly swaddling a 23lb baby. Just try!) He was pulling himself to standing by the end of his 7th month, and a few days before he turned 10 months, he was walking unassisted. Does this sound like a butterball?

When Jackson was at an older friend's birthday party, he was 22 months old while the others were almost all over age 3. He was able to hang suspended by his arms for 15 seconds or more (and then had to be pried down to the ground) while his size-mates who were at least a year older could only manage to hang for a second or two before falling. He also loves to be placed near the top of a pole to slide down in a slow, controlled manner.

Yet for all that my son is practically an Olympian athlete for his age, his chubby baby cheeks have always seemed to give others the impression that he is fat. He never has been excessively fatty for his age. Despite that he's entirely made of thick, lean muscle, a Salvation Army worker collecting donations at the mall still had the gall to sweetly call him "Fatty". That's right. She called him Fatty, like he was some adorable little ball of flab. I was so irritated by this, though I didn't say anything to the inane woman herself. Never mind that he was not the least bit overly fleshy anywhere but the cheeks of his face; never mind that he had just been running around the mall with me, getting all sorts of exercise and climbing and jumping like a wild man at the children's play area. She was determined to judge him as being a fat older child, rather than recognizing him as the chubby cheeked baby that he really is.

I wish I could say she is the only one to misjudge him, but I know it's not true. With his height, Jackson is often judged to be older than he really is. Preschool age children believe him to be a peer of theirs, then get very confused when he speaks like a child who is just learning how to express himself. He follows them around like a happy, oblivious little puppy because he wants so badly to try to make friends. They feel uncomfortable by the disparity between his size and behaviors and often estrange him or berate him for acting so bizarrely.

Even older people who know his age are still confused by him on occasion because it is so easy to forget that he's as young as he is. Often I find him held to a higher level of judgment, intentionally or otherwise, because people expect him to behave like a 3 or 4 year old. Strangers give him looks that clearly show they think his behavior to be wildly inappropriate.

As a result, Andrew and I have developed a habit of outright mentioning his age at every opportunity. We emphasize how tall and strong he is for his age, how accomplished he is for someone so young. We're quite proud of how smart, healthy, beautiful, strong, tall, and socially knowledgeable Jackson is--and feel pained when he is misjudged by others.

By now you may be wondering why I am writing all this. Am I just venting? Am I complaining? Do I have some idea in mind that will fix this? Well, it's actually all three, to be honest. So, now that you've endured my venting and complaining, consider some of these thoughts that I've had as the mother of my mammoth-baby.

One thought I have had is that there ought to be a Big & Tall for babies and toddlers. If one brand were out there making clothing for all the kids who are above the 75th percentile in size, that company could make a lot of parents and their children some very happy customers. I can hear you now: "Why can't bigger kids just wear a large size?" The thing is, kids (like adults) come in all different shapes and sizes. Some children are long and lean. Some are squat and wide. And some have crazy beefcake arms that don't fit the sleeves of shirts that are otherwise the right size. Perhaps no specific Big & Tall line needs to come together as a result of this problem, but our societal expectations are very clearly demonstrated when it's impossible to find pants for a larger than average toddler that don't assume he's a prodigy in toilet training. Other dimensional assumptions are evident as well. By the time Jackson gets to where the waistband is too snug on his pants, he is only just fitting the legs. He's got stubby little baby legs compared to his wide hips, so no matter what stage he's achieved in a set of clothes, he looks goofy. Unless I start sewing all the clothing for my kid, he's going to be stuck in a continuous cycle of looking and feeling exceedingly awkward until he reaches adult clothing sizes.

Another reason I am writing this is because I want to make people aware of larger children. They exist. I married a giant of a man at 6'2" with some broad shoulders and hips that would make him look like Atlas if he deigned to visit the gym. While I may have lost all 50lbs of baby weight, I'm still no tiny slip of a girl at 5'8". Clearly our offspring are not likely to be described as tiny. I've known other children like Jackson, whose parents' combined features resulted in a standard-obliterating child of god-like proportions. The moms and dads of these children all show the same symptoms as Andrew and me, including the defensiveness of the darling little one's age and size.

One mom I know with a son in the 100th percentile (that's right, he's off the charts because he's so tall) and a daughter who is also above average in size, said that she often finds herself asking how old other children are so that the parents will ask the ages of her children. Both her spawn are well above average intelligence, so they are (again, like Jackson) that much more confusing for people's brains to classify. As an example: Jackson and this boy, Dane, were playing together. Dane was 2 and a half; Jackson was 19 months. Dane was frustrated by Jackson's presence and wanted to keep him from playing with certain toys. He fought with him and was angry about having to share, so he was repeatedly getting put into time out. After the third or fourth time he was sent to time out, he climbed up onto his dad's lap and whispered into his ear: "Dane needs to share with all people alike." His verbal skills were sufficient to express this idea that he knew was the truth (though he did refer to himself in the 3rd person). Yet because he really was only 2 and a half, his emotional development and self-restraint were still developing at a reasonable level for his age.

We live in a judgmental society. People naturally have a tendency to try and classify what they see. It's one of the ways in which we file away information we receive from our senses. What I ask is that rather than making a superficial judgment based on the size of a child, the world at large should consider other factors. Far more telling than height is a child's physical development. Does she have teeth? Can she sit unsupported? How skilled is she at walking? Climbing? Running? Jumping? What are her inclinations when surrounded by other children? The answers to these questions help develop a much better picture of the age of a youngster than by an assessment of the distance from head to toes.